Picking up the pieces

Hey all! After a rather long break from writing I am finally where I feel I can be back. 2015 has proven to be one of the most extreme years in my life. There were SO many good things that happened for me in the work and career area but it was also a year with lots of loss in the emotional and family area.

I have been a roller coaster of emotions and as a result of it, there have been days where I have been in control of what I put in my mouth and some days I have not given a damn lol. Getting through the holidays was tough and I am glad that it is over.

 I am trying to pick up the pieces and take control of myself. I am starting by doing another round of whole 30 so I can cleanse my body of all the crap I have been putting in  it and try to get back into the right mind frame.

While I stopped the weight gain this month, I clearly have not lost a single ounce. I know I can do this, as I was doing a pretty good I just need to work hard and be dedicated to this journey.

Just Cannot Catch a Break

I have tried several times in the past month to post again. It just seems that every new post comes with a slew of bad news from me. After losing my pup, I thought we were in the clear but I was wrong.  With a sudden change in my work role and schedule, I had been running on fumes and after a couple of weeks of that my second mom fell ill. Emotionally, I am eerily at peace although the void in our hearts is huge. I think this peace comes from knowing where she is now and also from witnessing how her health got worse as the days went by. You hated to see how things went from being perfectly fine, to her but being well at all. She was a 73 year old lady who was healthy, working out 3-4 times a week and eating well. However, emergency surgery and the complications of the recovery thereafter were too much for her body. After three weeks of her fighting for her life and us almost living at the hospital taking care of her, we had to make the hard decision to let her go. It was all so sudden and unfortunate. However,  I know and find comfort in knowing that she is in a much better place now.

The last few weeks have brought so much stress, chaos and worry to my already frazzled existence. I had been rocking my new schedule and work role but it was because I had been killing myself trying to make everything go smoothly. Being a perfectionist means that I have to learn and work hard to be ok to delegate and tolerate mistakes, which does not always come easily. Dealing with people is not always easy but my way to lead is to be willing to do and doing anything that I would expect from others. It worked, and think I was able to do an exceptional job. All the big wigs seemed to agree as well ;) .However, being less active and more confined to a desk was not something I enjoyed. Even when I started eating better again, the lack of activity meant that although I stopped gaining, I also stopped losing. I have every excuse ( justified and not) on why I didn't compensate for my sedentary workday with a workout once I got home, but I will spare you all of them.

Now that we have hopefully gotten through all of this, I really am wishing for a few peaceful months at least. I think I will have to send Santa a letter asking for it. I just feel like I need to catch a break...PLEASE! On the bright side, my mom mom is currently visiting from back home. She flew in for the funeral and will get a chance to spend Thanksgiving with us. Looking forward to that although I haven't even begun to think about the food! I read the post onThanksgiving Potluck and I kept nodding and hollering AMEN!. We are also having a huge one at work on TUESDAY! Desserts and Casseroles galore only 2 days before Thanksgiving!! I am glad I have an easy out since it is technically my Saturday;) I understand the concept of sharing with coworkers but sometimes it is a bit too much!

I hope all is well with everyone. I am trying hard to get myself back together and get back on this important journey. I hope you all are also taking good care of yourselves! Until next time!

Alati

Old habits die hard

It has been almost a month since my last post!!
 Life has been crazy since then . Between trying to handle the grief of my loss ( which I am still not over) and having my work role/schedule completely flipped suddenly, I have been barely hanging on to my sanity!

 As the stress and pressure of suddenly coordinating an area that continues to grow in demand but not in resources, dealing with people conflicts and trying to maintain my professionalism and even temper through it all, I find myself going back to old habits. Stress eating? check. Poor meal planning? check. Bad choices? check. The only thing I can claim as a success is that I have continued to remain binge free.

But binge free does not equal smart food choices. I have been picking up food on the way home because after a stressful long day and an hour or so commute, I do not feel like cooking. It isn't always fast food per se, but anything at a restaurant will NEVER EVER be as clean and well controlled as something you have made back home.

My weekends used to be Tuesday and Wednesday. I would use at least one of those days to cook and prep enough food for a full week. Somehow Saturday and Sunday never work out that way for me. I realize is because normal people are off on weekends so there's always a function, a game or any sort of even going on that takes up my time. By the time Sunday rolls around, I have mounds of laundry and housework to complete that I chose not to use my time in a different way. Regardless, excuses excuses excuses.

During the day, I am still eating plenty of raw veggies and semi eating healthy. But come dinner time, is where I know my calories get out of whack. I have gained 4 pounds! I can feel it in the way my new clothes fit too, Everything fits fine, but they were starting to get loose before. Carbs have again becomes a daily occurrence rather than an occasional indulgence. I know I HAVE to stop this NOW!

So today I am making a renewed effort to get back on track and continue working on killing these old habits for good!Until next time!

A Sad and Unexpected Goodbye

With a sad sad and heavy heart we had to put my furbaby to sleep on Friday. At only 5 years old, it was completely unexpected and so abrupt that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Other than her ongoing issue with her ACL that she had been having a hard time with, we truly did not anticipate anything else going on. However, she developed an autoimmune hemolytic anemia that had her fighting hard for her life. We did all we could and just as she started stabilizing with treatment,we discovered that the underlying cause was most likely cancer. With both conditions and in her weakened state, the odds were against her regardless of everything we were trying to do and in that very hard moment the most loving thing we could do for her was let her go.

My heart is shattered in a million pieces because she was my loyal companion. If you have never had a relationship with a dog, I know it sounds absurd that so much emotion and grief could be normal. But to me it is, and I am grieving her loss the best way I can. For the first time in my life, my emotions come in the form of tears and sadness. It is so weird to me! I grieved my dad's loss in probably one of the unhealthiest of ways. Eating and binging all my emotion. I rarely did cry because I couldn't, so instead I ate. With Gracie's loss, I am crying and have even lost my appetite. How very "normal" of me.

Gracie was a fighter from the start. Someone tried to hang her with a shoelace, but it broke she was able to escape. When we rescued her she had been starved almost to death and have the manners of a wild beast. With love and time, she became the sweetest most loving girl. She taught us to fight, and in letting her go, I feel like she is teaching me the healthier way to grieve. My life was so much better because I was able to love her.
Goodbye sweet girl, I will see you on Rainbow Bridge...

Kind to a Fault!?

How many times have you someone say such and such is kind to a fault? I think I have heard it a few times throughout the years and at least once it has been said to me/about me. At first glance, one would think that it is a great compliment to be considered that kind. However, there is so much more that goes along with this little expression.

When someone is said to be kind to a fault, most of the time what is being left unsaid is that sometimes their kindness can lead one's own detriment . Sometimes we also think of that person as someone who will take anything and stand up for nothing. Someone who never stands up for themselves.

As a people pleaser most of my childhood/young adult life, I know that there were several times when I put up with many things that I wasn't really happy with. I literally and metaphorically "ate up" my feelings.In my attempt to please, I forgot how important pleasing myself was as well. There must always be a balance between kind to others but being aware enough to know when you need to reach for a tad of selfishness for your own good. 

I used to see pleasing myself as the same as not pleasing others. What a closed up mentality huh? My brain had somehow been trained to think that if I did things for myself it was at the expense of other peoples and wants which somehow had to take priority over my own.

You know how some are late bloomers? I guess I am a late maturer. It was not until I hit my 30's that I kind of came into my own. I realized that I needed to be kind to myself in order to be able to be kind and loving of others. I learned that saying no is ok. I learned that my life did not have to always be centered around what others want and/or expect from me. Now its been an ongoing process because some of my behaviors were instilled in me growing up and others are an initial instinct I have to choose not to follow.

At age 36, I am more aware of all of this than when the initial switch came on when I turned 30. As the years go by and I have understood more about myself and my issues, I have come to understand some of my bad choices. I have recognized how some bad choices where a combination of shitty circumstances and not rational thinking. That was huge because it is always much easier to blame a sole "bad guy" for our troubles.Some of these bad choices made out of unresolved issues/emotions, have created longer terms problems that take longer to fix than an attitude and behavior adjustment.

Through binge eating, having a poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle, I ballooned up to a size that in my brain only happened on TV...bless my heart. Along the way, I allowed my lack of recognition and taking responsibility for my issues to hurt some of my relationships because I saw concern as criticism and lack of love. There have been other relationships that were detrimental to my emotional well being that had to be let go in order to slowly repair and work on being a better more well rounded version of myself.

As I have been walking down this path of trying to become a healthier me, I have learned from following other people's journeys and other bloggers, that it is not only our relationship with food that we have to work on. We have to work with our relationship with those who cause us hurt, pain or stress, we have to learn to identify and work through the emotions or circumstances that can trigger those bad choices for us. And in every individual case, those things that we need to work on can be so different. No wonder the quick fixes, fad diets and magic pills were never really any magic at all!!

One of my life philosophies  has always been " You learn something new every day". How true is that? Whether it is learning something new about yourself, about others or about anything that may interest you, I encourage you to keep learning. It is the key to finding  your true self and being kind to yourself and to others. Until next time!

Thinking of a new name...

I'm considering changing the name of this blog to the weekly doggy problem blog lol! Quick  doggy update: I don't have many good news to share. During our last checkup, the surgeon told us that it seems that her kneecap is slipping and it is not healing as it should. A third surgery is a valid possibility in the next couple of weeks if things do not improve. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to that, for her sake and ours ( our wallets too!). On the bright side, she is happy and pain free. You wouldn't know she has an issue until she tries to hobble around .

I know when I started this blog, I wanted to write about what was going on with me and at the time, things were working in a way that it seemed that I had the most time and ability to focus on my journey to health and it alone. I think that was the only way to start reeducating my brain and trying to find my way. Along the way, I have understood that my health problems may make my journey a slower one but not an impossible one. Sometimes we can use that as a crutch to not even try.

Fast forward to now, health and my journey is still important and but I have lost my edge and focus as a main priority.It just means that every now and then, when life gets in the way I cut myself a bit of slack since I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person. This does not mean I am completely off the wagon and back to my old ways. .Thankfully I do have some more self control than that! However, I do feel that all the stress and going ons have allowed me to give myself permission to let loose when it comes to my journey. Not being as strict about meal prep, sprinkling some bad foods in between well portioned and balanced meals.

In thinking about this, I initially thought that it was a fully negative thing. But as the weeks go by, I realize that this has been a good "test". You see as a former binger, I know that stress and anxiety have been my fastest triggers. But it has not been the case for the past few weeks and even before that, since I started writing. Through the stress, I have managed to stay binge free. This is one of the thing I set as a goal for myself. Being able to not listen to my brain and follow the instinct to binge. Loving myself enough to know better.

Real and every day life is so different for each one of us. Whether you have kids ( furry or otherwise), a high stress job, a loving relationship or a dealing with a loss, we all have day to day choices to make that concern our health. Some days choices come easy and without issues, some days good choices are a struggle. Some days you choose the bad and then feel bad.That is real life. Real life cannot always be about  perfection because we are not nor will we ever be.

This week, I have restarted being more aware of my food choices and making an effort to be better prepared with my meals at work. Having good food around me, makes it easier to reach for better choices. It has definitely made a difference since I have lost the couple of pounds I had gained plus an extra pound.

I have continued eating as low carb as I can manage . My physician recommended I add some whole grains to my diet, which I had been avoiding in my food template. I have come to a compromise that I feel I can live with ( for now).  I have started adding a serving of whole grain to my breakfast at the recommendation of my doctor but, avoiding those and added sugar during the day. We will see how I feel about it as the days go by.

I hope all is going well with y'all. Until next time, Don't forget to be kind to yourself!!

And Then It Fell Apart Again

I have started writing this post for the last two weeks but I never get past the title before I get distracted by something else.  After four weeks post op, my furbaby's  ACL surgery failed and she had to have it redone. Having to have go through all the rehab and stress of it again, has been rough. Between trying to care for her and dealing with a demanding work schedule, I haven't had time for much. My roomie and I have been able to work around taking care of her for almost 8 weeks now, which has pretty much left us home bound and stressed all the time.

Foodwise, I have had good days and bad days. Days when I have been on point and days when I have honestly made a choice to do what is easy but not what is right. Even though I am not totally on plan, I have tried in some ways to not completely blow it. I have gained a total of 2 pounds according to the scale today but I am not worried about it. I know all I need is to get things more stable and take the extra time to do self care. As we are approaching week 3 of this post op, I am feeling closer than before.

I hope all is well with everyone. Enjoy the weekend!

It has not been pretty but its looking up!

Hi y'all! I am finally back on track with my eating 100% . I am having to go back to being super strict with my portions because it seems it is the only way I can continue down the right path. It seems that any time I am more lenient, I start pushing my limit a little more. So one tiny slip may eventually suffer from a snowball effect...and I don't even want to risk starting to even form that snowball. So I am mentally and emotionally ready to get back on the horse saddle so to speak.

In regards to my medication, all I can say is....IT HAS NOT BEEN PRETTY!! I am still working my way up to the full dose of metformin my doctor wants me on, but its been hard. Although I am taking the extended release version that is supposed to reduce the GI issues, my tummy has been suffering terribly. The first couple of days I had some terrible heartburn followed by some other not so pleasant symptoms...I'll spare you the tmi!. All of that that has gotten better with the addition of a pro-biotic and my body getting used to it. I know that if I didn't think this pill would help me, I probably would not make myself endure all this trouble. So I will continue pushing because I know it will be good for me as long as my body gets with the program and can tolerate my dose.

Otherwise, seems like everything else is stable. I am more in control of my eating and reestablishing my routine! My furbaby is still not fixed but slowly working towards getting there, hopefully a few more weeks until she is able to bear her whole weight on her repaired knee. Hope y'all have a great weekend! Until next time!

The Much Dreaded Visit

Hi everyone! Hope things are going good for y'all. I decided to write about the much dreaded visit I finally made this week. I went to the GYN for a followup. I know this is not pleasant for anyone, but I had kept avoiding it for a multitude of reasons.

I am trained and working in the healthcare field, therefore I knew that part of the reason why I had been avoiding/delaying this visit is because I am aware of my current medical issues and I was not ready to hear someone tell me what I needed to do about them. I also know that I will need surgery to either have a miomectomy or hysterectomy in the near future.

I know traditional medicine and its benefits can become a sort of controversial topic in the blogging world.. I keep reading on many blogs, about people not using or fighting the use of drugs for x,y and z. I respect everyone's view, but in my case, I could tell that although most of my issues will definitively get better with continued weight loss, but may need some extra help.

All my life, I have been able to stick to and get through a lot in order to accomplish something. However, never when it came to my health and weight. I guess I did commit to eating a diet full of excess and crap for many many years but that is not something to be proud of lol...bless my heart!

So at this point, although I am proud of the strides and progress I have made, I know that my hormonal/PCOS  issues are only one more obstacle along my journey. I have know for years that I suffer from insulin resistance, but chose not to do anything about it. I took the metformin pills for 2 days and haven't touched them again in 5 years. It wasn't the smartest choice back then and I knew I need to start being better to my body in all areas including my medical needs. I have a very severe case of it and although diet and exercise are a must and have helped tremendously, I have finally admitted that I need to be on the medication as well.

I am 36 years old but constantly joke about being "forever 27". It makes me feel real good when I still get carded at the casino or people think I am way younger than my real age. Heck, we all have our different areas that boost our self esteem. Therefore, Being one of THOSE people who take daily medication makes "forever 27" not as seem as likely lol

 It is more a mental issue because who cares? If I was a diabetic, would I not take insulin because it makes me feel "old"? or if I had thyroid issues would I do the same? No, it would be stupid of me to do that to myself. I decided that just because I made a chose to not take drugs for 5 years does not mean I don't need them. It just means that I have been kidding myself all this time. My professional brain does this, I have just been using my "regular" brain to think about this matter for way too long.

So I am now taking metformin and spironolactone for my PCOS and fibroid collection. .I was able to discuss not wanting any estrogen therapy due to my family history of breast cancer.Surgery is still on the horizon but it is not urgent. I loved loved  my doctor and I was able to discuss open and honestly with her what I have done for my weight so far, my worries and questions and that I really would rather be able to lose as much weight as possible before going under the knife to reduce some of the risks.

I am not sure how the drugs will affect me or if they will play any role on my current weight loss journey but I am excited to find out. Some people have found it easier to lose weight while on metformin while other have not. I will let you know how it goes. I am also hoping the spironolactone allows my thinning hair to stop and  my chin breakouts to at least improve. I am sure I will be writing about that in the upcoming weeks.

After psyching myself out about the visit for a couple of days, It wasn't as terrible as I thought. I encourage any of you who are reading and KNOW that something is up that you need medical help for, to do what is best for you and stop avoiding. Yes, there are some awful healthcare professionals who lack bedside manner and empathy out there and I know there's not enough GOOD HELPFUL UNDERSTANDING physicians around but they do exist. If you know the problem is much bigger than what you can do on your own, don't hesitate to do what is necessary..YOU  AND YOUR WELL BEING ARE SO WORTH IT!

How does it apply here?

Every now and then, my coworkers and I will have some semi deep thoughtful conversations. There is a wealth of knowledge and life experience among us due to the fact that we have so many different backgrounds and life stories. Someone posed the question her therapist had asked at the end of their session, She wanted to know what we thought. So she asked us " Would you rather be right or happy?".

My initial reaction to this question was HAPPY OF COURSE!! However, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the answer is not as easy. To be honest, I REALLY LOVE being right lol! It is so not a black and white situation. Depending on what context you analyze this question, the answer may be even harder to come up with. I mean lets face it who doesn't like to be right??Seriously, I am sure most if not all of us have had an acute case of knowitallitis at some point in our lives.

 I try to think about it in regards to our fitness and weight loss journeys. Sometimes, I have felt that we get so lost in the wanting our own approach or views to be the right ones that we can end up being unhappy and still not right. If  we thought that eating Brussels sprouts for the rest of lives would make us be healthy and fit forever...how happy would you really be? When it comes to eating right and changing our lifestyles, it seems that the key is finding the balance between what is right for us but that would also allow us a happy existence.

Think of how many times we have "known for sure" that x,y or z approach was just what we needed. I know that in my short time of trying to better my health, I have felt that way a few times.Then after a while, I have found that it is not sustainable in the long run, that it didn't really give me the results that I wanted and/or that not eating x or eating just x,y makes me terribly unhappy. As always , seems that I go back to being flexible and being able to learn as you go. It is a learning curve  that may look different for each one of us. Until next time, Keep pushing!

Trying to get back into things

So Gracie is out of the woods yay! Although not fully recovered she is so much better than she was three weeks ago. It has been draining and quite stressful and I finally feel like there's going to be an ending to this. I saw the vet today and things are looking well. Our next follow up is in 3 weeks so that has got to be better than going back every single week.


Yesterday, I decided I needed some mental health and best way to get it was by cleaning and organizing my house. It has been chaotic since Gracie's surgery and I have noticed that the more clutter and chaos there is, the less zen I am able to be. Cleaning helps me relieve stress and decompress, and it has the great effect of leaving me with a spotless and organized house. Don't you just love the feeling of a clean organized house and knowing that for that moment there is not one dirty thing in the house? BEST. FEELING.EVER!!

I am slowly getting back to my eating and prepping. Although not fully back 100%, I have started prepping and leaving the junk out. I stepped on the scale again and found no loss and no gain yet again. That has got to change this new week. Although I am happy to not have gained, I can't really "celebrate it since I know that I should be doing better.

I have realized that when I started this blog, I was thinking of focusing on my fitness and weight loss journey but however my journey  to a better me has so many more categories than just those two. I realize that sometimes I feel like writing but stop myself because the post would have nothing to do with weigh loss.
If it is part of my day, of me and my journey, I shouldn't hesitate to write about it. This is my space after all, surely the three of ya that read here wouldn't mind too much? right? ;) So if you start seeing more of different things, it is just me being able to integrate all areas of my journey and myself as I work on becoming a better version of me. Until next time!

Update

Hey y'all! Hope your days havent been as tiring and draining as mine have been. My furbaby's surgery turned out to be more complicated than we thought and her recovery has been rough. Two weeks in, we are still camping out in the living room, taking shifts to watch and help her and giving her medicine according to her schedule. She feels fine, the only problem is that her surgery leg isn't heeled yet and her other one has taken such a beating having to compensate for the past two weeks that it is getting weaker by the day.

We are doing all we can and pretty soon all our post op devices and supplies will probably add up to the same as the surgery costs lol . We are seeing the surgeon again tomorrow and keeping our fingers crossed for a  better report. I am hoping that stitches will come out and that she will be well enough to start getting crated periodically so we can actually get a break.

I keep telling myself that I will get back to what I need as soon as I feel like we are over crisis mode. Because right now, I try to clean up and take care of the house when I get home. For someone who trends OCD at times, living in the family room with mats and rugs scattered over the floor to cover every surface and then with pillows, furniture and baby gates bordering the space to limit her movement area, can make you pretty nuts.

However, I know we are lucky to be able to have the financial means and schedule flexibility to do all we can for her since she is an important family member. I  also know that her situation could be worse and endanger her life, so we are lucky she will recover if not fully close enough to run around with a little limp.

I have been all out of whack with my sleep and my food. The days I have slept the most is at 4-5 hours which making going to work and doing everything else seem like so much trouble. I didn't want to completely sabotage my eating so I have been prepping breakfast and lunch. I bought a huge veggie tray, boiled some eggs, made a quinoa salad and hummus. I am not eating like I should, but at least those two meals are "good enough" for now. I feel an aversion at this point to cooking meat for some reason. Maybe after whole30 burnout? who knows!.

 Dinner is where I drop the ball, simply because I am done by the time I get home. A cold sandwich is easy. Gets it done and over with. There shouldn't be paired with a serving of chips, but most often than not they are.The other day I bought some single frozen meals which I usually stay away from because all of the processed crap just so i could have better portion/calorie control. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any either. Just have to keep on pushing, as best as I can! Hope all is well with everyone. Until next time, Stay strong!

Crisis Mode

I have been MIA for the last few days. After finishing up the whole 30 and riding that cloud, a lot of things happened. My furbaby tore her acl and finally had to have surgery this past Monday. It has been rough as heck. I know people disagree and have issues with people seeing their dogs as their kids. But for me, that is one of my babies.
After surgery she has had a rough recovery and still having lots of pain and swelling.
We have been camping out in the living room since then, in order to keep her confined as much as possible. Crating would be best, however she does not fit in there with her cone of shame on...bless her heart!

All the stress and anxiety related to this has had me a little ( read a lot) out of whack. Although I try to make the best choices, I have to admit I have eaten a few things I would rather not have. As in some chips and sandwich for dinner the last few days.Because I have chosen to be lazy and not be bothered cooking. I am so tired working all day and being up with her most of the night ( have slept maybe 3-4 a night since Monday), that I don't feel like cooking by the time I get home. On the bright side,  I did do my weekly meal prep Sunday, so at least breakfast and lunch have continued to be on point. 

All in all, I am aware of my choices but not dwelling on it. I will get back to my rigidness soon enough. I hope all is well with everyone. Until next time!

I finished it!

Woohoo! Yesterday was the official ending of my whole 30. It was a great challenge for me because it helped me cement some of the things that I was already trying to make part of my food template but also realize that I shouldn't try to over complicate things in order to continue my journey to health successfully.

 Although my skin is better, I think its become obvious to me that my breakouts are probably 95% hormonal and not diet related. I already had that suspicion. The sugar abstinence was not as hard as giving up hummus and the occasional bread. As I go back to planning out my food template, I think that i will abstain from reintroducing sugar and for sure not making coke zero another food group lol 

 Y'all know that I am very much a meal prep advocate. For someone like me, who has a hard time making better choices without a pre set plan, meal prepping is a way to have no excuse to not eat right. The 2-3 hours a week I invest doing so, are so worth being able to grab and go every day. I found some meal prep containers on amazon that seemed like a great choice. Because of the same size, they would be able to be stacked in the fridge and therefore optimize my shelf space. I ordered a ten pack to give it a try and I am in love!! 

 I have realized that I could probably fit 12 trays which would be 6 days worth of breakfast and lunch.

 After using them for a week I think they are great. Yes, they could stand to be a tad thicker because that might could make them last longer but i feel like for that price its not such a problem for me. I should get at least 3 good months out of them. 

 I am working this weekend and looking forward to catching up with blogs during my downtime. Have a great weekend!

ETA: In my rush and excitement I totally forgot to mention that I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a 6 pound loss in 30 days! I also have noticed a difference in my shape especially around my tummy and thighs. My pants are fitting so much nicer!

Back to Work

It is Sunday and my mini holiday is over! I got so much done at home but at the same time got some much needed rest in. We did a thorough cleaning of the house which always makes me so so happy. We got some more clutter gone which resulted in several bags full of clothes and other knick knacks ready to be donated. I tried to be as unplugged as I could as well. I enjoyed reading and listening to music.Our usual group was out of town so my roomie and I didn't really have or made other plans. I cooked compliant hotdogs and burgers on the grill. I used lettuce for mine, buns for hers. Caught up on my shows and pretty much had some relaxed and stress free couple of days. I stayed good on the whole 30 but didn't worry about having to take a pic of everything I ate. Last night I got some meal prepping in so that I will be ready to tackle the week. I ordered some meal prep containers from amazon so I am happy/excited about the meal prepping to come ( doesn't take much to make me happy! haha). Today, I am back at work and ready to dive right back into my usual routine. I anticipate the next couple of weeks will be extremely busy but I feel my batteries have been somewhat recharged by the last couple of days. I hope everyone had a safe and fun weekend! Until next time!

Day 21 & 22

I made it to day 22!! It is so exciting to know I have succeeded so far. I am very happy with how I feel and although I haven't stepped on the scale as instructed I know I have lost weight. I think somehow some of the fat has to have moved as my tummy is a lil less round. 

People have actually noticed a new drop and I feel like my face looks a lot less puffy and round. Yay for the cosmetic stuff but the inside and the healthier I feel is even better.

As I come to the final stretch I am starting to think that o will probably follow a similar food template once I am done. My body seems to do best this way and there's a lot of junk I for sure do not want to reintroduce.

Here's my food for the last two days:

Breakfast was rushed so I had a repeat of banana and almond butter.

Lunch: grilled veggies and chicken Apple sausage.

Dinner: spinach omelet and beef patty. Not pictured was some watermelon.

Breakfast: sautéed green and yellow squash, sweet potato and a chicken Apple sausage.

Lunch: was a repeat from dinner the day before with a spinach omelet and beef patty. Not pictured were some yummy grape tomatoes.

Dinner: beef cooked in ghee, sautéed green and yellow squash and sweet potato.

I have another garden update for y'all!

Big mama and baby cucumbers. That big one is a tad longer than a half liter water bottle!!

Also got the fist beefsteak tomato, a couple of apples and a fig!!! Homegrown food tastes so good! And it's great knowing that no pesticides or anything messed them up :)

I am off the next couple of days and looking forward to it. Until next time!'n

Quick Update

Hey everyone! Life continues to go well! I am on day 20 of the whole30 and really enjoying the mental clarity and energy that I seem to have. 

Of course, work is putting that energy level to the test because it seems we go from a hectic day, an even more hectic day to an insane day. 

 I had another therapy session that I found cleansing again. I swear I come out feeling like I lost a couple of pounds in there ;)! 

Food wise its been good, however today I was in such a rush that I never stopped to take pics. Breakfast was me inhaling a chicken apple sausage and banana on my way to my first appointment. Lunch was better with grilled veggies and beef kabobs which I also had for dinner.  I was starving and didn't even think about the picture until I was done! oops! 

 My food for the day before (day 19) follows below: 

 Breakfast: a banana and almond butter. Lunch: avocado and chicken butter lettuce tacos with a sliced tomato. Dinner: beef patty over a bed of lettuce with a fried egg on top and grape tomatoes on the side. YUM!

 I am off Friday and Saturday this week!!! So looking forward to some relaxation and reading by the lake! Until next time!

Days 17 and 18!!

Feels like I'm going downhill now after 18 days on the whole 30. Even though my meals are somewhat repetitive, I am really enjoying what I am eating. As a result of not drinking coke zero, my water intake has gone up as well. It's a win win!!

My food for the last couple of days!

Breakfast: boiled potato, hard boiled egg white, berries and tomatoes.

Lunch: grilled mahi mahi with mixed steamed veggies and avocado with hot sauce.

Dinner: omelet made with spinach and a slice of prosciutto, watermelon and a huge jar of iced water. It was so hot yesterday!!!

Breakfast: compliant hotdogs, hard boiled egg whites, strawberries and blackberries.

Lunch: chicken over a power green saad, sweet potato, radishes and tomatoes.

Dinner: shredded chicken lettuce "tacos", purple heirloom  tomato and avocado. 

I love butter lettuce. I had never tried it before this and though it's a tad pricier around here the texture is worth it. I love making "wraps" and "tacos".

I have never eaten hot sauce in my life! Until now that is! A few drops of complaint hot sauce give certain foods that certain oomph that was missing. My mom would be proud lol only person in my family who hated spicy stuff!

Last but not least, someone asked me the other day why I don't eat the whole hard boiled eggs. I'm not saving calories lol I just don't care for the hard boiled yolk. I can eat scrambled eggs and fried eggs with no issue, but I have to be in the right mood to eat the hard boiled yolk!

Hope you had a great weekend! Until next time!!

Halfway there!

Double updates yet again! Life is pretty busy and hectic right now but I am doing really well. I am on day 16 of the whole30 and pretty pumped that I have made it this far. 

I think the only thing I really miss at this point is feta sprinkled on my salad and one afternoon with the heat index of 106 F, I really craved an iced cold coke zero.

 Work is going good and while the family issues are still there, the days have helped with the shock factor and everyone is more into problem solving mode. This is a much more comfortable stage to be for me. 

 My garden is doing so well! I have so many veggies in different stages of growth. It just makes everything taste better when you have put effort into what you eat from the time it was a seed. 

 Here is my food ( repetitive and easy since I felt like I had to be cooking all the time and I've been to busy for that!) for the last two days: 

 Breakfast: Chicken sausage, hard boiled egg white, boiled potato, mixed berries and grape tomatoes 

 Lunch: chicken, power greens, carrots, radishes and tomatoes

 Dinner: sweet potato and patty pan squash sauteed with some ghee and a chicken apple sausage 

 Breakfast: Chicken sausage, hard boiled egg white, boiled potato, mixed berries and grape tomatoes 

 Lunch: Big Salad ( lettuce, cucumber,onion,tomatoes) with some chopped compliant ham and bacon from home dressed with some evoo and vinegar; a banana

Dinner: sweet potato and patty pan squash sauteed with some ghee and a chicken apple sausage 

Hope everyone had a great week. Have fun this weekend. Until next time!!

Two days and talking it out

 This post is a couple days behind. It's been a crazy roller coaster for me since Thursday between work and family issues. I have been able to navigate it all without comforting myself the way I used to. 

However, I feel more and more overwhelmed. You know that saying when it rain it pours? Well, it has started to pour! Monday I needed to do something about it. Something that didn't include a big bag of Cheetos and the fast food drive thru. I decided I needed to talk it out.

Because of the setting and nature of my workplace. The hospital officers an in house counselor for employees as well as number of free therapy sessions with some selected providers.  I understand their value but I've always been one of those people who"didn't need it".

Monday, I reached out and ended up talking to her for an hour. I was a bit apprehensive because who enjoys being vulnerable? Certainly not me! 

I went in thinking I'd try to hash out my feelings  about the intense and emotional last few work days and nothing more. I ended up with a big case of verbal diarrhea and hearing myself admit out loud to food binges and mom issues.

My word! The weight I felt got  lifted off

Off my chest allowed to feel that I wasn't underwater anymore. To actually voice what I have been trying to to try to stop hurting myself with food allowed me to be proud of myself. Because I am proud of myself but I'm not always kind to myself. 

Every day we try to be kind to others but yet we end up being our own harshest critics. We most likely are not as unkind to others as we can be to ourselves! That is just not right! I am a newbie to talk therapy and always get it would make me weak to admit I needed help. It didn't matter how obvious it was to others. In my deluded brain I can fix it all. But it turns out I can't. I am a key part of it but it's ok to reach out and get help. Whatever kind of help it is you need to compliment what you are doing for yourself already.

All that heavy but now a tad less so stuff aside, here's my food for the last two days:

Breakfast: chicken Apple sausages, lettuce, strawberries and grapes

Lunch: chicken, avocado and raw veggies

Dinner: chicken and a big salad

Breakfast: one egg omelet with power greens, chicken sausie, half a boiled potato and coffee!

Lunch: ( I was truly on the go lol pack the second half of breakfast in a Baggie and ate while driving!) egg with greens, half a Prato and a chicken sausie.

Dinner: zucchini noodles ( from my garden!!! Mixed with a little ground beef with a fried egg on top ( from my friends chickens!!) and sweet potato.

I hope y'all are having a good week. Until next time, Stay strong!!

Day 11

I have made it to day 11! As excited as I am to be doing this and about staying strong regardless, I have to admit that today I am struggling. Emotionally past drained during the last three days and Father's day is still a rough one for me even if its been several years since I lost my dad. 

Once you are already feeling emotionally weak, it doesn't take much to make it worse. Snowball effect anyone? After I leave work, I am going to my second family home to celebrate Father's Day with my 'Second Dad'. 

He has chosen his menu which shall consist of fried chicken, greens cooked with bacon, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes, mac n cheese and key lime pie. I am attending but gave my disclaimer a week ago that I would be bringing my food and not sharing their food. It gets easier and easier the more functions occur and I am still on "my diet" as they call it lol. 

 Here is my food of the day: 

 Breakfast: Chicken apple sausage and greens, tomatoes and strawberries.

 Lunch:Salad greens, avocado, chicken and a few pieces of leftover fajitas.

 Dinner:NO I DIDNT EAT A PUPPY! I did forget to take a pic  and figure a cute puppy always fixes everything 😁. What I did eat was a Big salad ( tomatoes, greens, radishes, cucumber, lime juice, evoo), chicken apple sausage and a baked sweet potato. 

 Hope y'all had a good weekend and celebrated the Dads out there. Until next time! Stay strong!

Day 9 and 10

I am back with a double day because work was so brutal yesterday that by the time I got home I had nothing left in me.

Even though it was  a very stressful day, busy and emotionally draining. I did not make any bad choices regardless of how much I felt  I "needed" some chips or a glass of wine. I have to stop and remind myself that I don't need it, I'm just trying to deal with my emotions with food. I have been trying so hard to not do any of that that I felt victorious when I chose a long shower and early bedtime instead.

Here's my food for day 9:

Breakfast: chicken sausage, 1.5 hard boiled eggs, sautéed yellow squash and mushrooms. 

Lunch: chicken, mushrooms, raw veggies and avocado.

Dinner: pork with onions seasoned with coconut aminos,  sweet potato and avocado.

The food keeps me fueled and satisfied all day even with the crazy day I had! Today, I was hoping for an easier day at work . Unfortunately, that didn't even happen. It actually ended up being even harder on me than the day before. Days so heavily charged with emotion and demanding so much physically make me realize how much the strides I've made in my journey have helped.

I have plenty of excess baggage left to drag around but it's days like these that show me how the extra 40ish pounds I had before took even more out of me. So yes, it takes time and effort. Yes, it will take more time and more effort. But is so worth it!!

Here is my food for today:

Breakfast: chicken sausage, 1.5 hard boiled eggs, sautéed yellow squash and mushrooms. 

Lunch: chicken, avocado, raw veggies .

Dinner: beef fajitas  and an avocado filled with fresh salsa.

After having another demanding day at work, I was ready to come home and relax. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the cards. I came home to some really devastating news  about the health of one of my aunts ( more like a second mom) back home. It's hard to cope with my emotions when I was already so emotionally drained from work these past two days.

 When you are tired, you are more emotional. These are the times when I have lost control before. Today I will not lose control Over what I can control

I can control what I eat.

I can control every choice I make.

I can take charge of my brain and body.

I can take care of me.

I can decide to not pick up my old habits.

I do not need food.

Food is not going to fix it.

I have to help myself so I can help others.

I will make good choices.

I will stay strong. 

You can do it too.

Until next time!

Day 8 and a Garden Update!

Hey y'all! It has been a great day! I am beyond excited to share a garden update for all of you. If you recall my last update this is what my garden looked like several weeks ago:

This is what it looks like today:

And here is my first harvest!!!

I got some romaine lettuce, a cucumber and a zucchini. So excited for tomatoes, peppers and watermelon soon!! Considering this is the first year I started the garden from seeds I felt terribly accomplished! My dinner salad was extra scrumptious!!!

Here's my food for the day:

Breakfast: hard boiled eggs, chicken sausage, grape tomatoes and strawberries.

Lunch: half an avocado, chicken and raw veggies ( tomatoes, carrots and radishes).

Dinner:  big salad with lettuce,radishes, tomatoes, carrots, and cucumber dressed with fresh lime juice and some chicken. Not pictured a handful of strawberries I had with dinner.

A successful day food wise. No major struggles as my body continues to get used to this way of eating. Hope all is going well for everyone. Until next time!!

Day 7: One week down!

One week down yay! Today as a great day and even though several hangs went awry around lunchtime and my prep work semi out the window, I still managed to stay on plan.

I came home after a full day out and worked on meal prep. I have breakfast and lunches cooked and packed for the next three days!

Here's my food for the day:

Breakfast: beef patty, egg, zucchini and yellow squash sticks sautéed in some ghee.

Lunch: Chicken Apple sausage, side salad (greens and tomato dressed with a bit of hot sauce lol), a smal fruit cup.

Dinner: pork loin, sautéed mushrooms, sautéed yellow squash and onion and butter lettuce.

I have to say that today I realized that on this whole 30 it is extremely difficult to eat out or not be spending a lot of time meal prepping/cooking. It works for me because I avoid eating out as much as possible but omh I went into a semi panic today when I had to figure something out lol

Tomorrow is my Monday! But I am ready as I fee like I had some very productive days off. Hope everything is going well in your side of the woods! Until next time!!!

Day 6

Day 6 ended up surprising me because I woke up with so much energy! I have been sleeping through the night and waking up ready to tackle my day. 

This morning I woke up at six and got right to the spring cleaning that I had left undone and has now become summer cleaning. I decluttered my kitchen like I had been meaning to for a long time.

I got three big black bags full of stuff to donate/ throw away from the kitchen alone which is ridiculous for a two person household! I feel so much better and seeing the roomy cabinets and everything so well organized!

After that I decided to tackle cleaning and vacuuming. Within a couple of hours everything was cleaned, organized and fresh. Don't you just love the feel of a spotless home right after you're done cleaning it?? I sure do! 

Here is my food for the day:

Breakfast: beef patty, hard boiled egg whites, half avocado and leftover roasted veggies.

Lunch: power greens scramble, chicken Apple sausage and roasted veggies.

Dinner: pork loin, half an avocado and sautéed mixed veggies.

Hope yall are having a good week. Until next time!!!!!

Day 5

One of my coworkers texted me that picture today asking me if I can relate lol to be honest I thought that would be how I would feel but it has not been that way at all.

I miss my coke zero but not to the point that I'm constantly thinking about. It is more of a fleeing thought if I happen to notice someone's soft drink. I'm enjoying the foods I am eating and making a point to not make myself eat something I do not enjoy.

I prep my meals the night before so I don't waste much energy thinking about food. It's fixed and ready at mealtime and I truly not think about what I can't have while I commit to this.

Tonight was another cooking first for me. A few days ago I tried coconut aminos in a stirfry and enjoyed the taste. Tonight I sautéed my vegetables in some ghee and was pleasantly surprised! Of course I took the lazy way out and bought some pre made compliant ghee but hey I gotta start somewhere!

Here's my food for the day:

Breakfast: power green scramble, beef patty, half a small avocado and half an apple.

Lunch: half the avocado, half an apple, lettuce and chicken Apple sausages.

Dinner: beef patty, sweet potato. Sautéed carrots and sautéed yellow /green  green beans.

My face is breaking out horribly today. I am hoping it's the detoxing part of my skin having all the yuck come to the surface! Other than that I am still feeing pretty good, clear headed and energized. 

Hope your Monday was a good one. Until next time!

Day 4: Give it your all!

I have made it to day 4 pretty much unscathed! I was really worried about feeling yuck and tired as I had read so many people experiencing online. I guess all these months of cleaner eating helped since my diet was not totally wrecked. 

Today I felt pretty good and energetic. I had another hectic day at work but I was able to keep going without feeling like I needed a snack. Note to self: increased protein and some good fats may hold the key to no drips between meals. I had two situations today where I was faced with 'temptation'. It was not too hard to walk away even though the donuts ( which I normally wouldn't give a crap about) looked fresh and inviting. Like the picture above says , I am doing this and I am giving it my 100%. After all it is not donating blood ;)! 

 Here is my food for the day: 

 Breakfast: scrambled eggs with mixed power greens ( swiss chard, spinach and other greens), an apple chicken sausage, half an avocado and 1/4 apple. 

Lunch: Mixed greens dressed with some fresh lime juice, a hard boiled egg, grilled chicken and half an avocado. 

Dinner: Diced up compliant hotdogs cooked with some compliant hot and tomato sauce served on butter lettuce with a baked sweet potato. 

 I hope y'all had a great weekend. I am looking forward to my Friday ( Monday for the rest of the world) since I have a huge to do list to get through during my "weekend". Until next time!

Day 3 is here

Hey everyone! I made it to day 3! I have to say Day 2 and so far Day 3 have been much much nicer to me than Day 1. No sugar dragon or anger on my part. No mood swings(yet ;) ). I haven't had any headaches and my head seems pretty clear. 

Yesterday, I actually felt more energized than usual. I was shocked that I wasn't yawning and ready to pass out by 9. I wake up super early so I also try to get to bed early. 

 Here is my food for Day 3: 

Breakfast: Prosciutto, hard boiled egg whites and a quarter avocado with fresh blackberries and grape tomatoes.

Lunch: tomato, cilantro and onion salad with fresh lime juice, chicken and avocado.

Dinner: compliant chicken Apple sausage  sliced and served over butter lettuce boats and baked sweet potato.

 Day 3 has been good because I have had no headaches at all. It has been crazy busy at work today and I had clocked at 10,000 steps before 1 pm. That's more than my usual workday. 

I know that while doing the whole 30 you are not supposed to snack but I felt like I needed a little something to pep my step since I was already starting to get tired. Not sure if this was due to the "hangover" timeframe or just a busy hectic day. 

 I caved around 3 and had a cup of coffee and a tablespoon of almond butter. Probably not the best choices but truly all I had that was compliant around me. To keep myself from snacking, I am only packing my meals and no extra snack stash. I was glad I had the almond butter I had purchased the other day. I went to our little market and other than fruit, I couldn't find anything else that was compliant. I really didnt want to do the fruit for the sugar. I knew the almond butter would keep me going for the next few hours. 

 How is your weekend going? I hope you are enjoying some rest and relaxation with your loved ones. Until next time, Stay Happy!

Day 1 Aftermath and onto Day 2

Well day 1 is in the books and I think I did well. I successfully stayed on plan and my only complaint was a dull headache  all day. 

I know the headache was from caffeine withdrawal. Even though on the whole 30 you can have coffee ( recommended 2 cups max ideally before noon so it doesn't affect your sleep), I decided to try to quit it for good. 

Not sure why I thought I had to cut down all the way to zero lol but I regretted that all day because of that headache. It finally went away around 3pm when I decided to just drink a cup. This is pretty much how I felt :

 I had been having close to 4-5 cups a day plus the caffeine that coke zero had. On the bright side I already liked my coffee black so I have no issue about it lacking sweeteners or creamer.

On to Day 2: This morning I was worried about how I would feel. According to the book's timeline, day 2-5 is usually when the "hangover" hits you.  I felt good today, I drank one cup of coffee and had no headache. I actually feel a bit more energized tonight and I know it ain't related to caffeine haha!

Here's the food of the day:

Breakfast: beef patty, leftover hash and a hard boiled egg white

Lunch: zucchini noodles aka zoodles with  homemade marinara, chicken , a couple of radishes and a small slice of avocado

Dinner: stir fry with beef and mixed veggies ( broccoli, carrots, snow peas ) seasoned with a dash of coconut aminos.

Looking forward to a successful Day 3! Have a great weekend. Until next time, Stay focused!

I'm Back and on Day 1

Oh my! It sure has been a hot minute since I last posted. There are many things that have happened since. I got sick and better. I had a birthday Yay!. And I went on a much needed short vacation.

 I did not go completely out of control during my vacation but I have slowly noticed myself being more lenient with my food intake. I went from not having any grains, to slowly allowing me some here and there. I also never got to the point where I could give up legumes completely. I have insulin resistance so I know and understand how what I eat affects me. 

 Although nowhere near my old self, I could sense the start of old patterns justified by my birthday/vacation. I haven’t gained any weight, however I am stuck where I was 4 weeks ago and that is not where I want to be. 

I have a long long way to go before I get to maintenance so at this point maintaining is not a good thing. I could almost say that at least I haven’t gained but I am not about trying to enable my bad habits.While hiking during my vacation , I decided that enough was enough. I have come a long way through lots of effort. Letting loose and continuing to be increasingly lenient would only end up a disaster. I know I do not want to tear down what I have accomplished and I feel like I can eventually get there by falling back into old habits. 

So I decided to try the Whole30. Not because it is a media and Instagram fad, but because in reading the book(It starts with food), a lot of it resonates with me. I felt like I needed to get back to being strict in order to reestablish my health routine. 

So I am on day one of the Whole30. I have been bad about my coke zero. I have cut down but continue to make excuses to justify one or two a day. Today is it. No alcohol, sugar, sweeteners, grains, legumes, processed food and dairy for 30 days. I am scared but excited, I am looking forward to the challenge. So to keep myself accountable I have announced it at work so that I am not offered crap and I will journal it on here.

With all that said, here is my food for Day 1:

Breakfast: compliant bacon over potato hash, hard boiled eggs and fresh berries. I ate one egg and saved the rest.

Lunch: chicken, avocado, radishes and tomato.

Dinner: chicken, carrots,green beans and tomatoes 

I hope everyone is doing well. Onlooking outward to catching up with y'all's blogs and sharing my journey through the whole30 with you. Until next time, Stay strong!!!