Monday, September 28, 2015

A Sad and Unexpected Goodbye

With a sad sad and heavy heart we had to put my furbaby to sleep on Friday. At only 5 years old, it was completely unexpected and so abrupt that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Other than her ongoing issue with her ACL that she had been having a hard time with, we truly did not anticipate anything else going on. However, she developed an autoimmune hemolytic anemia that had her fighting hard for her life. We did all we could and just as she started stabilizing with treatment,we discovered that the underlying cause was most likely cancer. With both conditions and in her weakened state, the odds were against her regardless of everything we were trying to do and in that very hard moment the most loving thing we could do for her was let her go.

My heart is shattered in a million pieces because she was my loyal companion. If you have never had a relationship with a dog, I know it sounds absurd that so much emotion and grief could be normal. But to me it is, and I am grieving her loss the best way I can. For the first time in my life, my emotions come in the form of tears and sadness. It is so weird to me! I grieved my dad's loss in probably one of the unhealthiest of ways. Eating and binging all my emotion. I rarely did cry because I couldn't, so instead I ate. With Gracie's loss, I am crying and have even lost my appetite. How very "normal" of me.

Gracie was a fighter from the start. Someone tried to hang her with a shoelace, but it broke she was able to escape. When we rescued her she had been starved almost to death and have the manners of a wild beast. With love and time, she became the sweetest most loving girl. She taught us to fight, and in letting her go, I feel like she is teaching me the healthier way to grieve. My life was so much better because I was able to love her.
Goodbye sweet girl, I will see you on Rainbow Bridge...


5 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand how hard it is to let the unconditional love and attention of a beloved pet...go. My heart grieves for you, sweetie.

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  2. Oh Alati ... I am so Sorry!!!

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