I am sure I am not the only that deals with anxiety and stress in the worst ways possible. Although lately at the worst of it, my body has broken out in hives rather than my usual binge eating, it is still hard not to automatically eat, eat and eat some more when I am stressed. We all cope in different ways and that has always been mine.
These past couple of weeks have had an incredible amount of anxiety that has been progressing for the past nine months. Without going into many details, lets just say I am waiting for something to be decided that would greatly affect my work and personal life either positively or negatively depending on the decision that is made. The hardest part of this, is that I have absolutely no control over this decision and nothing makes me more anxious than having no control. Even though the odds are in my favor, there is always that chance that things will not turn out for me and I would be shattered.
It is hard not to stew in this 24/7 especially because I have a lot of alone time. My usual self would have taken such a different path than the one I have chosen this time. It has not been easy. When I want to eat like crazy, for the sake of putting something in my mouth, I have gotten a cup of grape tomatoes or a tangerine or half a serving of pretzels trying to stay within or not much above my calorie limit.I repeat, it has not been easy. I do not get quite the "satisfaction" and "comfort" that a bag of chips or fast food would have given me before, but I also do not get the regret and disappointment in myself that would usually follow it.
Another thing that I have started doing when I get that "feeling" to want to say to heck with it all I need some good greasy food is that I have turned to other bloggers. Instead of finding something to eat, I find something to read. I make a deal with myself that if after reading a couple of articles I still "think" I am hungry, then I'll get something. Most of the time, the reading will take care it. If it doesn't then I make more deals with myself in order to eat what can cause the least damage in my calorie budget. Not having bad choices around, makes it easier to avoid them.
I have a great support system in so many ways but I sometimes question if they're just "trying to be nice because they have to". I guess that is part of self doubt, I need to not doubt myself or others.I rationalize that it is not the case, that my loved ones want and need me to succeed as much as I need it myself. I am so blessed to have people who love and support me. Yet, I always felt like I was missing something more to motivate me. This is where Blogger has come into play. I am so grateful for so many weight loss, healthy lifestyle and weight maintenance blogs out there. It is great when I read about someones struggle, not because I am a horrible person but because it makes me feel like I am not the only one going through things. Its real people out there that without them even knowing it, can understand based on their current or past experiences and can inspire me to be stronger. I also enjoy reading about their success, it is inspiring and motivating.It pushes me, it shows me that hard work and consistency pays off. Some people have had a mixture of success and failures while on their journey, these people inspire me even more. What's that saying about getting knocked down six times and get up seven?
I used to be that person that would go to the drive thru and order enough for 3 or 4 people then inhale it before I came home to have dinner ( a big dinner). Out of sight out of mind was my motto (although I saw/see it all over my body). Now reading two or three blogs, one after the other is the only way I have been bingeing and my body thanks me for it. As the week keeps rolling and decision time comes closer, I have to keep myself optimistic and mentally strong. If you have a hard time or are struggling with whatever it is, remember you can do this. You've got this. And in my case, it does not matter what happens by the end of the week, I will be OK. I am continuing to help my body be healthier no matter what changes around me or if nothing does. I will be OK. I've got this.