Well, it has been a week since I last posted. I am fairly new to the blogging world but not new enough to not know that in this world, abscence most often means that the blogger has fallen off the wagon. So let me start off by saying, I HAVE NOT FALLEN OFF THE WAGON! Yay! lol
Like I mentioned on my last post, I had gotten sick with some awful crud and then had another ovary cyst rupture. This was then followed by a really painful episode caused by my uterine fibroids. Then at work, even though we deal with death constantly, we had a harder than usual week. Very emotionally draining. I will spare you the details, suffice to say that I went from feeling crappy, to feeling worse to f%$&&** bad ;).
I have dealt with many womanly issues for several years which got increasingly worse as I got bigger. When I started dropping the pounds I immediately noticed a change for the better. However, for the past two months, some symptoms have gotten so much better but my pain has gotten so much worse.
Just like I used to avoid the scale, I have also tried to avoid the doctor. Its funny to even say it, considering my line of work. I have the knowledge of what is happening to me but I don't want to hear someone say it out loud. Kind of like when you can tell you have gained and you are scared to step on the scale because you know the number is not going to be nice? Stupid, I know!
When I faced the doctor, the possibility of having major surgery became closer to a reality. It is not the surgery itself that is scary. I know there are always risks and that is not what I am worried about. Several years ago, I came to the decision that I really did not want children of my own. I chose to put my all into my career and have been very happy with my choices.
I never anticipated that the thought of a hysterectomy would affect me the way it has. It is not because I have suddenly decided I want to have children. It is because, not having them would no longer be my choice but my circumstance. Am i crazy? Nothing has changed in the way I feel or what I want in regards to kids. I love working with them on a daily basis, I just don't want to have any if my own. Yet tell me it wouldn't be an option and it throws me off. I am just having a hard time with it. It is a procedure that I will most likely need and it will positively impact my quality of life. But yet, I was still all bent up about it.
Then, a few days ago ,I came back to reality when a family we had grown to love lost their young child to cancer. When you look at what some are dealing with, whether physically or emotionally, you realize that you are so blessed. That you don't have it as bad as some might. That for some, surgery of any kind would be scary because they lack the funds, the insurance, the support system or even the option to do so. All of a sudden, it gets easier to reframe and move on. I tell y'all, our minds are sure funny in how they work sometimes!
I try to keep this a fairly motivating and positive place. Not just for whoever may be reading but also for myself. I often go back and read what I have written and don't really want to read post after post of complaints. This is why I decided to take some time to get my brain together and feeling more like myself both physically and emotionally. After a week of mental break, self analysis and calmness,I am in a better place. I am feeling back to myself even though my crud is not all gone. Even with all the drugs I am on, my symptoms have lingered. BTW, my coworkers blame it on all the salads and veggies I eat paired with the lack of junk lol apparently low carb supresses your immune system ;)
Through it all, I have stuck to my plan because I am commited to doing all I can to better my health.I have continued to stay active except for the two days that fever had me in bed all day. So while I have have been quiet on here, my inner voice and keeping up with my fellow bloggers has kept me in check. Slowly but surely I keep moving along this journey...the daily journey to a better me. Until next time!