Here is a scenario for you. After years of chronic food issues, out of control weight gain and yoyo dieting you finally get that moment of clarity where you know that this is it. You have had enough. You will make a change, no matter how long it takes, no matter how hard it can get, So you are in a good place, trying to make things work right and then it happens.
You are at a gathering and someone says "Is that all you are having?" "You really need to try some of this!" " Surely, you are going to eat a little". And then you say " No, sorry I'm on a diet" or " Sorry, but I don't eat that". That's my go to, because that is easier for people to comprehend that saying you are working on changing your eating habits or breaking away from food addiction and binging. Truth is, I do not owe an explanation to them, I should not apologize for not partaking. But somehow a simple "No, Thank you" is so hard to get out.
I realize that now that I have decided what I need and want to do for myself, I no longer feel like I am missing out or that I am being deprived. That is a key difference when you are not on a "diet". This is what my eating ways will be from now on, with tweaks along the way to improve my health. People though, have the notion that you are missing out and you are deprived. Heck, they push and pressure you to eat even though in some cases ( like mine) it is obvious I really do not need to have any cake or fudge. So I have realized that I need to get better at my simple No, Thank you. And let people deal with their own perceptions or issues on what I should or should not do.
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I can't or I don't, prompt questions. They prompt people asking Why? Then you have to decide whether you will give them an explanation or not . If you do, then you might face a few blank stares or arguments to the contrary. Out of their own personal guilt or lack of experience with weight issues. Who wants to deal with all that? Not me! So, a "No, Thank You" is truly the easiest answer. Repeat after me, NO, THANK YOU!
I used to include more info when saying no - "no, I don't eat grains" "no I'm watching my weight" etc... I have found it IS easier and invites less comments to just say no, thank you!
ReplyDeleteI've found the same, I just gotta find my instinct to over explain lol
DeleteFortunately, having 'been at this' now for 23 months, most people around me know better. LOL They might still suggest occasionally, but for the most part, they don't. I know many people prefer not to give details, and I never offered up any, unless asked why. Back when I was asked 'why?' or "but why not?", I gave more information, Metered out...slowly. I told them I was giving up grains and sugar and most processed foods, for health reasons. If they asked more, I gave more. If not, I didn't. I was and am still big in leading by example. The longer I'm successful at this, the more likely some of those who need it, will follow the path I'm blazing. :)
ReplyDeleteYep, once people ( friends,family,coworkers) get "used" to you not partaking, is no longer that big of a deal. I find though that people think just a bit is ok and while this may be true for some, I know it's not my case. Thanks for reading!
Delete"No, thank you" should always be enough, but as a reformed food pusher myself I think "I'm on a diet/I don't eat grains" or whatever with a reason why you're not eating the food I just spent days planning and cooking and stressing over for this event helps me not feel bad that you don't want what I made. People who push food on those they love do it for a reason; not to make you unhealthy but to show love in the thought and care, maybe "show off" a bit what a good cook they are. Especially when you have family/friends with specific dietary needs that you worked hard to accommodate and then they still don't eat it, you want to know why. A casual "no thanks" can be disheartening. Maybe it is selfish but we all want appreciation for our efforts!
ReplyDeleteAs I look after my own health better I'm learning to look after other people's too, and to show love in other ways. I'm not saying you should ever eat something just for someone else's feelings. But some people, like me, would genuinely appreciate knowing both to save hurt feelings now and to help make better choices in future (ie serve something different or know you are going to eat less no matter what I serve or something is really tempting for you and you'd rather it wasn't placed in front of you).
I totally agree Natalie. I love to cook and when I do it for others I appreciate people eating it and even complimenting it. When it comes to friends and family, I for sure explain and have even made requests in order to let them know and not hurt anyone's feelings .
DeleteBut in a different social gathering, such as a pot luck or office birthday cake, sometimes a no, thank you is just easier. Thanks for your comment!