Goodbye 2014!

      

     

     This year sure flew by fast! I remember last year, as we were having our New Year's gathering, we went around the table talking about resolutions for 2014. Among many, losing weight seemed to be at the top. I was one of the ones who said it, but as the words came out of my mouth I had already, in my brain, decided this would not really happen. 

    You see, I can't even remember how many years I have said I would lose weight January 1st. I would give it a try, more like a half assed attempt and eventually give up as soon as it got "hard". So as 2013 started, I had already figured that nothing different would happen in 2014 yet I still felt obligated to say this would be THE year. When my birthday came in June, I had hit my heaviest. I made myself step on the scale and was floored to see that my short 5.1 foot self was up to 305 pounds. It was insane! But somehow, I had allowed myself to believe I was not that bad off. Heck, when I started the blog, I rounded my initial weight to 300 because I guess 5 pounds made such a big difference in my mind...note to self: 300 is no better than 305 lol Bless my heart.

      I am now on day 162 of daily food logging (The first 2 weeks of logging, I did not cut back I just wanted to see how much I was eating) , day 31 of daily weighing and day 30 of walking a minimum of 2.5 miles a day. Weight wise I am currently at 260 pounds. That is a total of 45 pounds lost. Although it is just a tiny part of all I have to lose and it has not been as fast as I wished it would be, I am proud of myself.

      

       I used to use so many excuses, I have PCOS, I am too busy, I have no willpower,my ankle is injured...they don't work anymore ecause I don't allow myself to accept them. I have struggled (a lot), I have fought myself (constantly), I have been frustrated with my body enough to cry (more times than I care to admit) but when I have messed up, I have done my best to not wallow in self pity too long, dust it off and push through. 

       Of course, sometimes the dusting and shaking it off process has taken a few days but I get there. With a little help from my friends as they say. I am constantly amazed at some of the bloggers out there, their inspiration and passion for health is contagious and inspiring. --I don't want to play favorites because there are several but I have to give a shoutout to Gwen at The Sunny Coconut. I want to be like you when I grow up ;)- Even those bloggers, who seem to have hit a rough patch, can still inspire me as I can see and learn from what they are going through. 

       So to all, THANK YOU! your words matter, your posts make a difference and you are reaching more and deeper than you think. As 2015 approaches, I am not making any resolutions. I am continuing my commitment to myself. I will continue to comit to my journey, no matter how long or hard it will be. I am commiting to learning and taking away the things from my diet that hurt me both physically and emotionally. Most important of all, I am commiting to removing the power that food and food addiction has always have in my life. I am taking my life back and working to be the best me I can be. A new year, A new Start and a New Way to go....Here's to 2015 may our year be full of health,energy, accomplishments, understanding, learning and love! 

Tuesday Thoughts

You know about the winter blues? I think I had a mix of those combined with my feelings of disappointent and physical pain last week. It has been overcast, misty and overall dreary for almost a week. I miss the sun. I think this weather makes it easier to be less energetic, positive and bright...am I crazy? I have now dusted myself off for a few days and have done my best to learn and move on. 

Getting back on track with my food has already made a huge difference in my mood and energy levels. Stepped on the scale this morning and I am back to where I was last Friday even though TOM arrived. Yesterday, there were even more cookies in the office. Some decided to bring their baked leftovers to share. I can honestly say, I was not tempted anymore. Would it be irrational to say that I just felt a little angry? because I sort of was. Stupid cookies haha 

 I am trying to come up with some sort of writing challenge for January. Something about challenging myself to write is soothing, motivating and cleansing. Not sure why I need to call it anything but isn't it just more fun that way? In other news, here is my LUNCHBOX OF THE DAY: 

 Tomatoes, carrots, radishes and chopped cilantro. A hard boiled egg and some lemon juice for dressing. How's your Tuesday going?

Not as strong as I thought

So here I am,not really terribly bad off but certainly not as strong as I thought I was. I had been on such a good roll, feeling mentally strong, seeing the scale move every week. Heck, I had even spit out a cookie into a napkin when I realized what I was about to do. Then, Christmas Eve came. As I mentioned, I had a ruptured ovarian cyst which was worse than usual. The pain was horrible for several hours and it was accompanied by nausea and chills. I was not in a happy place that night. To make things worse, I was upset that after working all day,now I didn't get to enjoy the quality time with my loved ones. But, I powered through and made it through the night. Foodwise, I did fine. Christmas Day, I was still hurting a little and really badly sore. Again, I powered through it and even made myself walk in order not to lose my walking streak. My food choices were fine, I was doing good even though I was feeling hurt, tired and drained. I could tell my modd wasn't the best, I was sad and my energy was low. On the 26th, I powered through the work day with horrible energy levels. Close to the end of the day, someone mentioned me being tired and looking like "You need some sugar". I shook my head and moved on. When I got to my desk, I had a new gift. This time it was another tin of pure butter shortbread cookies. I decided maybe I did need some cookies, so I had two. I was angry at myself for doing it but when I got home since I was still tired and was sharing with my friend, I had two more. And ever since then, I keep wanting to go back for more. I tracked it all, but that's not important. I have disposed of them in the bin and I am back on track. This wasn't a full on binge. But I am terribly disappointed in myself. I can tell how having cookies has made me crave more. I want bread, I want more cookies, I want it all.But I am not going to have them.After no movement on the scale Friday, I am up 2 pounds today. It sucks. The worse part is that I am not really a sweets person usually, I will always go for the salty. You would have thought if I wanted to blow it, I would have chosen my cheetos instead lol I know 4 cookies during the entire holiday season is not bad. The thing is, I don't allow myself "cheat" days because I simply cannot handle them. It has always been the start of my demise. The principle of it is that I should know that I am learning and have a long way to go. Little indulgences, at this point in my case, are not something i can "afford". That bottom line is, I am not as strong as I thought. I am in "detox" mode since Sunday. Bunches of veggies, some protein and a little fruit.I am back on track and will continue to be. I just needed to "come clean" for the brain part of my "detox". Onward!

Blogmas Day 25: The End Has Come and A Very Sore-y Christmas

    

Well this us my second try at this post. Blogger ate the first one and didn't save it to drafts. For sure my closing of Blogmas was supposed to be more positive and full of joy, however, my Christmas Eve and day have been nothing like I had planned.

After the terrible pain from my ruptured cyst, I have been extremely sore and tender today. I spent the day in bed, curled up into a ball with my heating pad on. My loved ones were nice enough to postpone our get together late afternoon but sadly I would gave rather stayed home. I sucked it up anyway and tried to make the best of it,

Food was great and the gift exchange was fun. I just didn't really feel like hanging around so I came home pretty quick. Popped some pills and back to bed I went. I need to have my energy to get back to work tomorrow. Even though I didn't feel like it, I really didn't want to mess up my walking streak on my jawbone. I love how I've surpassed my step goal every day and knew I had been a lump in bed today. 

So I sucked it up and walked. I walked and walked. All over the house, over and over until I hit my goal.so that's my accomplishment for the day! And you know what? I'm proud of myself. I hope everyone had a great time with your loved ones.i will see you for the weigh in tomorrow,

Even though Today could have been better and definetly more active, sometimes you have to be ok with being a lump until your body feels better. For now it's  Goodbye Blogmas! See ya next year ;)

Blogmas Day 24: Christmas Eve ouchies

This one will be short tonight. I am still reeling from the pain that started earlier due to another ruptured ovarian cyst. It's great that it's ruptured rather than an ovary torsion, but it's painful as heck.
I am a bit loopy thanks to the nice meds but hating that I feel this way tonight. I am hoping that the soreness won't be so bad tomorrow so that I can enjoy my day with my loved ones and get some walking in.

I Hope everyone is having a great night and will have a blessed day tomorrow. Feliz Navidad! Merry Christmas! Joyeux Noel or whatever you celebrate. I leave you with this cute dog that has been amusing me in my painkiller induced night. Until next time! 

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http://youtu.be/J9P20HuX7mo

Blogmas Day 23: I'm so over the free food

                                       

     

I know that title is terrible. It makes me sound horrible but it is honestly how I feel. It is so hard to continue to try to make good choices when it's just an endless food pushing and gifting time. It is the first time in my life that this is an issue, I have always welcomed it all because I was eating it all.

 I know everyone is being kind but it makes my already hard journey even harder. Maybe if I was further along my path, saying no and not being stressed by it would come much easier. For now, it doesn't come easy at all. But I am pushing through. I have my copy of The End of overeating right at my desk and go back to read it to diffuse my food thoughts.

I am working tomorrow and will be off Thursday. There's a department brunch to get through and then I shall be free of work food haha at least until Monday. I came home with 3 dozen cookies homemade and a huge tin of pure butter shortbread cookies. With all these cookies (that will soon find their forever home) it hit me that I would have rater welcomed another darn mug to my collection!

My LUNCHBOX OF THE NEXT DAY is a repeat from today. 

                                 

  

We are having Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow so I might just have a protein shake for breakfast and wait for dinner. But If brunch gets hard to navigate I can always go to my cheese and nuts. I will see how it goes. Until next time!

Blogmas Day 22: Monday Madness

 I feel like I've had a week's worth of everything and it's only Monday. My day started at 5am and I'm just now getting home a bit before 9 pm. A pretty good day, just busy busy busy. I survived the pizza party without any problems but didn't predict I'd get a huge container if homemade cookies from a coworker. 

This coworker is the best cook, everything she makes is delicious. As I put in a strawberry cake cookie in my mouth and took a bite, I realized what I was doing. I spit it right onto a napkin and threw it away, It wasn't that the one cookie would kill me or calorie budget for the day, is the fact that eating would probably send me down a road I have no desire to go on. I put them up and will have to share I.e regift them to someone who isn't worried about sugar. That was definitely not my best moment but it could have been worse. I give myself an F for putting it into my mouth, but an A for spitting it out lol all in all,  I  made it through.

More packages came to the door today. The best one was my copy of The End of Overeating Book. I am excited to read and learn from it. Still waiting on a couple more. Tomorrow I will have a very busy day with its share of critical issues to handle. My LUNCHBOX OF THE NEXT DAY is not a salad but quick stuff I can eat as I walk or multitask ( I know that's not ideal but hey you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes).

                          

Nuts, cheese and tomatoes. Simple and enough to give me energy to go go go. Hope you are having a great beginning of the week. Until next time!